Your Best Sex Ever Really
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At 30 years old, Olive Persimmon had only had sex with two people less than 10 times in her life. She says the lack of intimacy made her determined to become a great lover, but it turned out to not quite be what she expected. Does my body look sexy in this position? What was that weird noise we just made? Instead of focusing on sex as a performance, Bryden recommends looking at it as playful.


in. I left the best sex of my life behind and there will be nothing like it — ever. I know it was built on a lie. Our love and relationship were built on quicksand and it was me trying to keep both of us afloat so that I can survive. Early on in o u r relationship he told me a cautionary tale about the frog and the scorpion. I heard what he was trying to tell me, but I refused to hear it.

Great sex is about letting go of control

The frog hesitates, afraid of being stung by the scorpion, but the scorpion argues that if it did that, they would both drown. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. My mind refused to interpret his words as he meant them.

It was a clear message. He told me the story and told me what he meant. But I closed my ears and shut my mind. And obediently, I carried him across the river or life.

Great sex is a sensual experience

I asked myself countless times what it was that brought me always back to him. It is tough to admit that sex played such a ificant part in me staying. Is it really possible that I would let him hurt me just because the sex was that good?

No way. Hell yes!

Even if there will be nothing compared to it ever again

Our sexuality is a lot more important than we would think. It defines us, shapes us, it can lift us up and it can drag us down. Suppressed desires, kinks and fetishes can be more detrimental than living any of them.

The mental effect of our physicality is underrated and no matter how far we have come in the sexual liberation movement, parts of our sexuality is still stigmatised, marginalised and used to shame us — if we let it. Sex is a lot of things. It is a vital act in the survival of our species ; thus it is a primal instinct to find a mate and procreate.

These women say great sex boils down to these 5 things

It is connection at its best. It can assure a sense of intimacy and belonging, that cannot be compared to anything else. Intimacy and belonging are strong needs. There used to be stronger and deadlier species that were threatening our survival — alone. Early on, when we still lived in caves and fought mammoths, our ancestors realised that our strength lies in the strength of sticking together. Therefore, the key to survival was to be part of the horde — and later communities and societies — to be protected.

It is about pleasure. Pleasure can be addictive — after all, we are pleasure seeking creatures who are in search of the next dopamine, adrenaline and oxytocin rush, because what feels good has to be good; this is what our brain is telling us. So, we keep returning to what feels good, we get hooked on it, we would do anything to get our next fix. Helen Fisher claims that love is but a neurochemical cocktail activated in our brain, causing similar highs as cocaine — and we get addicted to it quite quickly.

Physical pleasure and the highs of being wanted, desired and loved unleash the same mix of feel-good hormones — there is nothing to be denied about it. It is about self-expression. Your best sex ever really acts are part of our self — they allow us to express affection and care; and by them we can communicate our needs and desires. Our admitted sexuality — be it about our gender, sexual preferences or kinks — becomes part of who we are. They have an effect on other parts of our lives. Sex positivity — or the lack of it, for that effect — also influences our personality in a circular, egg-and-chicken way.

You can get addicted to sex — it is a true addiction. It is recognised by mental health specialists, there are support groups and recovery programs for it.

It works in a similar way as any other drug — you get hooked up on it, you chase it, you want more and more, and you get less and less out of it. But I was addicted to sex with my ex. We had exceptional chemistry — just the touch and smell of his skin and the taste of his mouth drove me crazy. He showed me attention and affection — in a way I never experienced before. He mixed love into sex and sex into love.

Whenever it was about having sex, it was a display of his love — and whenever he wanted to show me how much he loved me there was always an element of sex. He had Narcissistic Personality Disorder and his way of connecting with me was his way of surviving the emptiness in him. Sex was his Your best sex ever really. He was very skilled and experienced. Of course, when he met he was 42 and he was sexually very active for 25 years — experimenting, learning, getting better with the help of countless others.

The psychology of sex: why it's impossible to get over your 'best'

I learnt a lot about myself, my body, my desires. He made me let go of my inhibitions, he tapped into my deepest desires, he cracked the shell I was hiding in, he made me feel comfortable in my body — as I saw it through his appreciative eyes. He taught me about pleasure in a way no one else had before him.

He took his time to teach me. We took our time to explore each other. We were pushing boundaries and discovering new ways.

It was never boring. It never got stale. It was never one-sided, just always, consistently pleasurable. The over used words for orgasms are mind-blowing and earth shattering. I was constantly high on him — not for 6 weeks or 6 months, for the whole length of our time together, four years.

Octavia morrison

I was addicted to him, even when he was abusive. Even when he was hurting me verbally or physically. I came back for the sex, even when he took advantage of it, even when he disregarded consent. And he knew that he has me wrapped around his finger, He was the one pulling the shots and pulling my strings.

I was but his puppet — in his show, on his terms, whenever he wanted. It stopped being about me. Sex turned into a power play, a manipulation, an obsessed pastime — and I still stayed. No matter how terrible the conditions were, I still got my share of pleasure. I shed tears and sweat and blood for it — but I had my high, I had my feel-good cocktail and my strings of orgasms. I knew it was bad. I knew that something had to be done. I recognised the abuse for what it was. I saw him without his mask. I started Your best sex ever really see him without the veil of my love.

I saw how he was playing me, how he manipulated me. I saw how he hurt me with his words. I knew that it was unsustainable. I wanted his loving self, the man I fell for — but that was a mirage.

He was a great actor. I bought every performance. He left me and he came back. The thrill of the chase and the secret was bigger than the respect and love. He hurt me in every way possible. Did I really stay for the sex? But it played a huge part in keeping me by his side. Because sex was love and love was sex. I stayed for the love he promised me between our passionate kisses.

I stayed for how he looked at me, making me believe that I am loveable and desirable. I stayed because he made me believe that no one would ever love me like he did.

And I stayed because he told me no one wants a damaged whore — with my sexual past.

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